What’s Your Lesbian Type? 14 Types of Lesbians in Dating

“What’s your type?” a lesbian asks me at the bar. For a while, I’d cringed at the lesbian question, dismissing it as irrelevant. I argued that attraction should be deeper than just a “type,” that the idea of categorizing people felt reductive—wasn’t it just repeating patterns? But then, through my own queer dating journey, I learned why lesbian types do matter in 2024, culturally and sexually, in ways that go beyond superficiality “types” like blonde hair, finance, 6’5″, blue eyes.

The lesbian world is incredibly socioculturally diverse. Our queer “types” go beyond aesthetics to include cultural gender expressions, relationship dynamics, and even nuanced desires in intimacy. Some of us might gravitate toward hyper-feminine girls, which could be tied to internalized heteronormative culture or simply personal taste. Others find comfort in traditional gender roles or reject them entirely.

This is the general spectrum of lesbian types—which can deeply influence our cultural and sexual compatibility, shaping who we partner with. For example, two stone tops? Probably not the perfect match.

The Different Types of Lesbians

Let’s start with this: there’s always overlap. You might look at someone and think, “chapstick,” while your friend insists, “No, they’re definitely femme,” or maybe even masc. And that’s the thing—lesbian identities aren’t locked in a binary. They exist on a cultural spectrum where “types” are fluid, evolving with the times and the people claiming them. Gen Z, especially on lesbian TikTok, has also catapulted many of these labels into the mainstream.

These labels can be helpful for identity expression and as signposts for lesbians finding their way out of compulsory heterosexuality. They give us the language to describe desires and identities in ways that feel validating. But not everyone vibes with being neatly categorized. Understandably. For some, these labels can feel like little boxes, limiting a person who’s growing and changing. And, of course, we have to remember—masculinity and femininity? Social constructs. In other parts of the world, men wear skirts (Myanmar, Scotland) and hold hands (India). In the 19th century, European men wore pink clothes, dresses, and heels.

It’s not all about the clothes you wear or how you present outwardly—it’s about the vibe, the energy, the way you navigate your relationships and the world around you.

Lesbian Types by “Gendered” Expression

1. Butch Lesbian

A classic butch lesbian struts into the room with an energy that says I’ve got this. Traditionally, their style leans towards 90s motorcycle rebels—often with tattoos, maybe gelled hair, and often a preference for a darker, edgy style (think: leather jacket, heavy boots, and a buzz cut). HOWEVER, being butch isn’t just about fashion; it’s a way of defying gender expectations and embracing a strong, masculine energy that society loves to question but can’t quite contain.

The term “butch” has been around since the early 1900s, born in lesbian communities that needed a word for women who refused to fit neatly into femininity. It was—and still is—about carving out space for women who aren’t afraid to embrace masculinity, whether that means fixing cars or rocking a buzz cut.

When it comes to relationships, butches are often tops, and sometimes even stone tops—meaning they love to physically give but might not always want to receive. But as with anything, there’s always nuance, and no one fits into a box perfectly. Butch is more than a label; it’s about how you move through the world, unapologetically and on your own terms.

If you need a visual, think k.d. Lang (she/they), whose smooth crooning and tailored suits made butch chic, or Lea DeLaria (she/her), the comedian and OITNB actress who blessed us with the U-Haul joke “What does a lesbian bring on a second date? A U-Haul.” And for a deeper dive into butch identity, Leslie Feinberg’s Stone Butch Blues is a must-read, capturing the history, resilience, and complexity of what it means to be butch in today’s world.

2. Stud Lesbian

Let’s talk studs lesbians. Stud is a term that belongs exclusively to the Black lesbian community. While their style might overlap with butch lesbians, studs bring something uniquely their own, blending ultramasculinity with the rich cultural tapestry of Black cultural masculinity. It’s not just about the clothes or the haircut—it’s about embodying a confidence that’s steeped in both queer and Black identity.

Studs typically present with a masculine style like short hair, traditional baggy jeans, sneakers that are too cool for most of us to even pull off. They’re usually tops in relationships, and like butches, it’s not uncommon to find studs who are stone tops—more focused on giving than receiving, but always on their own terms.

If you need a visual, look no further than Jessica Betts (she/her), whose effortless cool and stud energy captured hearts long before her marriage to Niecy Nash. Or Lena Waithe (she/her), who brings stud culture into the Hollywood spotlight with every tailored suit and award-winning screenplay. And of course, Felicia “Snoop” Pearson, who gave us that iconic tough-guy energy in The Wire—stud through and through.

3. Masc Lesbian

Masc lesbian is the cutie who walks into a room with an unmistakable confidence, blending a masculine aesthetic with their own personal twist. Being masc is a big umbrella term for a vibe that covers anyone who leans into masculinity, whether in their mannerisms, their tone, and/or the way they sprinkle it into their style expression.

And while butch lesbians fit under this umbrella, the two aren’t the same. Butch is a cultural identity with a rich history and roots in resistance, while masc is more fluid, flexible—open to interpretation. So, all butches are masc, but not all masc lesbians are butch.

Some masc lesbians might throw on a tailored suit and exude classic, old-school masculinity, while others go for something more understated—wide leg knee-length jeans, a hoodie, and maybe a baseball cap. It’s less about following a particular script and more about embracing masculine energy in whatever way feels right.

Take Tig Notaro (she/her), for example—her laid-back, deadpan humor perfectly pairs with her masc style. Or Melissa King (she/they), Top Chef winner, who serves up masculinity with a dash of culinary cool.

4. Hey Mamas Lesbian

If you’ve spent any time on Lesbian TikTok, chances are you’ve come across the Hey Mamas—a masc-leaning group posting thirst traps with a side of swagger, their lip-biting, smoldering gazes pulling femmes in with cheesy charm. Often compared to the classic f*** boy archetype, they know exactly what they’re doing, with their perfectly timed wink or a slow-motion smirk.

Personally, I’m repelled by this type since it reeks of the f*** boy energy I’ve had to fend off so much in the hetero world. But I’ve learned to appreciate their beneficial role in the lesbian ecosystem. As Jax Irwin from the Adam Wylde & Jax Podcast so perfectly puts it, “..Some of the Hey Mamas are joking about it, some of them are very legit… know[ing] what they’re doing… But I immediately go to the comments [thinking] they’re going to get ripped apart. But no. It’s all, straight women from Oklahoma being like ‘I’d leave my husband for you’ …This is how the lesbians recruit! Thank you to the Hey Mamas.”

The Hey Mamas can draw in even straight women from the most unexpected spaces with their confidence, humor, and magnetic force on TikTok, where they’ve built a loyal following of admirers—and, apparently, potential recruits.

5. Sporty Lesbian

Ahhh, the sporty lesbian—a favorite staple in the queer community that can usually be found on a field, court, or even just the local gym. Sporty lesbians are often masc-leaning, blending athleticism with a laid-back, casual style that feels effortless. Think of them as the ones who can pull off sweatpants and a baseball cap with more charm than most of us can manage in a cocktail dress.

Think: Megan Rapinoe (she/her), the 2010s face of lesbian soccer and a cultural icon in her own right. With her signature pink (and/or platinum) luscious hair and undeniable aura, Rapinoe is the ultimate example of a sporty lesbian who’s not only a top-tier athlete but also uses her platform to fight for social justice and LGBTQ+ rights.

Sporty lesbians tend to have more discipline and drive, as well as a healthier lifestyle, all very attractive qualities. However, depending on their sport/hobby, sometimes they can be extremely busy training and/or traveling with the team.

You can find them in sporty spaces like Liberty basketball games, pickleball courts, and even the Olympics. Whether they’re playing soccer, running marathons, or dominating in volleyball, And sure, they’ve got the athletic gear down pat, but it’s more than just the look—it’s that confidence and easygoing vibe that comes from being able to hold your own in any sport, and maybe even in life.

6. Soft Masc Lesbian

The soft masc lesbian treads the beautiful line between masculine and feminine charm. Picture her: long, dark hair, a halter top that shows off toned abs, and cargo pants. This balance sets her apart from the tougher butches and the chapstick crowd.

Soft mascs defy easy categorization. They tend to embrace a nice balance of yin and yang, where masculinity and femininity don’t compete; they complement. Yes, she might be wearing sneakers and sporting a deeper voice, but she’s also adorned her wrists, fingers, and neck with beautiful jewelry.

What makes soft mascs so appealing is that balance. They’re comfortable leaning into masculine energy—whether it’s in their hobbies or their style—but they keep a subtle touch of feminine grace. It’s not about rigid roles; it’s about blending traits that feel natural.

In terms of pop culture, look no further than TikTok Celesbian Avery Cyrus, YouTuber Shannon Beveridge, Kate Moennig (the OG soft masc on The L Word, who brought tomboy chic to a generation of Gen X and teenage millennial viewers).

7. Chapstick Lesbian

Whereas soft mascs incorporate both masc and femme expressions, the chapstick lesbian is the opposite middle ground, not too femme, not too masc. Kind of neither. Her style? Simple. Not too much effort. She’s more about comfort and cool than couture. Think sneakers, jeans, tote bags, with the kind of internal peace that says she’s not trying too hard—and doesn’t need to.

Sometimes, her look might even veer into non-binary territory. Some may lean a little masc, maybe with a baseball cap and carabiner. Others might have subtle sparks of femininity—just a touch, though. Some very subtly blend both—or, again, neither. It’s this fluidity that makes her feel so safe, accepting, stable, and so appealing.

She’s the kind of woman (or enby) who could discuss a good book with and later check out a cool queer space with later.

If you need a visual, look no further than Kristen Stewart (she/her), who’s practically the poster child for this vibe—grungy, glam, and always chill. Emma D’Arcy (they/them) of House of the Dragon. Or Abbi Jacobson of Broad City, with her comfy Brooklyn chapstick energy.

8. Stem Lesbian

The stem lesbian—a unique middle ground between femme, chapstick, soft masc, and stud; exclusive to the Black lesbian community. Stems blend masculine and feminine traits while embodying the fluidity of gender expression with confidence and cultural pride.

A stem might step out one day in baggy clothes and sneakers, rocking a more masc-forward vibe, and the next, she’s in full glam with makeup and defined curls or long braids. As Tye Savage (she/her) says, it’s this effortless ability to shift between femme and masc looks that defines the stem identity.

For examples, think Kehlani (she/they), whose style effortlessly swings between tomboy chic and high femme, or Janelle Monáe (she/her/they/them), who can slay in a suit one day and then stun in a bold bikini the next. And of course, creators like Ocean Van Exel (she/her) beautifully integrate this balance of masc and femme.

9. Femme Lesbian

The femme lesbian owns her femininity, but it’s for the female gaze! She blends traditional femininity with her queerness.

For some femme examples, look no further than Sarah Paulson. Always polished, always poised, she gives us that high femme energy both on the red carpet and in her day-to-day life. And let’s not forget Soph Mosca (she/her), the lesbian TikTok star who’s redefining what it means to be femme in the digital age with her mix of softness and undeniable queerness. Then there’s Britain’s sweetheart, Amy Spalding of I Kissed a Girl.

10. Lipstick Lesbian

The lipstick lesbian—think femme, but dialed up a heavy dose. Picture Elle Woods but gay. She has a love for makeup, skirts, heels, and of course, hair/skincare routines. Often luxurious and with an affinity for bold looks, the lipstick lesbian knows how to command attention.

In her song “Lipstick Lover,” Janelle Monae celebrates the seductive allure of lipstick lesbians who lean into their feminine power. “I like lipstick on my neck / Leave a sticky hickey in a place I won’t forget,” she sings, capturing the playful yet sultry energy that defines the lipstick lesbian vibe.

Now, let’s talk stereotypes for a minute: the lipstick lesbian is often assumed to be the quintessential bottom or pillow princess—someone who loves to be pampered and doted on. And while some may fit that mold, don’t be fooled. Many lipstick lesbians know how to take charge, black cat style (see below), and can easily flip the script as dominant switches or tops.

Examples: Tiktoker, Becca Moore, whose glam aesthetic and witty charm make her the embodiment of lipstick queer energy. Or Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, the British YouTuber who dons her classy polished vintage looks.

Lesbian Types by “Dominance” or Relationship Dynamics

Let’s talk about lesbian types within relationship dynamics—top, bottom, switch—those “dominance” labels that pop up in dating app bios and/or date conversations.

For some, these labels are like cheat codes, helping them navigate sexual and relationship dynamic preferences with clarity and ease ahead of time.

But for others, we can’t help but wonder: isn’t there a certain capitalist, patriarchal, or even colonialist vibe behind the idea that someone has to be the alpha and the other the beta—that there’s always a leader and a follower? It’s that old, outdated assumption that dominance means masc energy and submission means femme softness. And frankly, that’s a little too binary for my taste. I also wonder, shouldn’t we all be switches? Is it healthy to only be a giver or a taker?

But if that’s what each partner happily wants, who’s to judge, right…?

Again, not everyone feels the need to box themselves. There are plenty of relationships where both partners embrace a more go-with-the-flow dynamic.

Maybe you’ll see these labels as helpful tools or just another part of queer culture to explore. Regardless, relationship dynamics are ultimately about communication, connection, and figuring out what makes you feel the most satisfied.

11. Top/Dominant Lesbian

The top or dominant lesbian is the one who takes charge. This is usually in the bedroom as the “giver” who thrives on leading during intimacy. And sometimes in the dynamic of the relationship.

Stone Tops

But not all tops are created equal, and within this role lives the stone top, sometimes referred to as a stone top AKA stone butch. Stone tops bring their own unique set of rules to the table. High in masculine energy, they’re all about giving but rarely, if ever, want to receive. For some, this is a dream come true—especially for those pillow princesses or curious straight women dipping their toes into the lesbian pool. But for others, it can be a little frustrating, especially if the intimacy feels one-sided. It’s also not uncommon for stone tops to have complex past trauma or experiences that make receiving feel vulnerable or uncomfortable. Of course, this isn’t always the case, but it’s something to be aware of.

12. Bottom/Submissive Lesbian

The bottom or submissive lesbian is the one who prefers to take a more passive role, both in the relationship and in the bedroom. Bottoms enjoy receiving pleasure, savoring the feeling of being cared for and doted on by their partner. While some bottoms might occasionally switch things up, many prefer to let their partner take the lead, allowing themselves to fully melt into the experience of being on the receiving end.

Pillow Princess Bottoms

And then there’s the pillow princess—a very specific kind of bottom. Pillow princesses are all about receiving, but with one major caveat: they don’t reciprocate. She’s content to stay in that passive space, letting her partner do all the work while she simply enjoys it. For a pillow princess, intimacy is about surrendering to the moment and trusting her partner to guide the experience. It’s worth noting that some might find this one-sided dynamic frustrating, while others find it to be the perfect balance.

Pillow princesses are sometimes considered the counterpart to stone tops, both existing on opposite ends of the give-receive spectrum.

13. Switch Lesbian

The switch lesbian refuses to be boxed into just one role, happily embracing the freedom to give and receive, depending on the mood or the moment. If her dating profile says she’s a “versatile switch looking for a compatible partner,” what she’s really saying is: I’m here for it all. Whether she’s taking charge or letting go, she’s fully present and loving every minute.

For a switch, it’s not about sticking to one dynamic or another. She’s all about balance, enjoying the fluidity of being both a top and a bottom. Some days, she’s the one calling the shots, taking control with all the confidence of a stone top. Other times, she’s melting into the arms of her partner, letting herself be cared for with all the trust of a true bottom. It’s this adaptability that makes her so intriguing—and let’s be honest, she keeps things exciting.

BONUS: Lesbian Types by Dating Personalities

Baby Gay/Baby Queer

The baby gay is the newly out lesbian or queer who’s just stepping into the LGBTQ+ culture, usually with wide eyes and nervous excitement. She’s fresh, figuring things out, and maybe still unsure if she’s more into soft mascs or soft femmes. There are so many new baby gays now thanks to the 2020s lesbian renaissance.

But here’s where things get tricky: dating a baby gay can sometimes stir up a complicated mix of feelings. For seasoned lesbians, dating someone who’s still figuring themselves out can feel like signing up to be someone’s teacher or experiment through a whole lot of personal discovery, from them figuring out their type to helping them unpack years of heteronormative baggage.

But looking down on baby gays because they’re new to the community can also feel elitist, like a form of queer rejection. We were all baby gays at some point, stumbling our way through dating apps and queer bars.

Now, flip the script and consider what it means when an older, more experienced lesbian only dates baby gays. It can raise some red flags. Why? Because chasing someone who’s just learning the ropes often comes with a power imbalance that play out in ways that aren’t always healthy and may be a bit manipulative and misogynistic. Shannon Beveridge has recently gotten criticism for this.

Ultimately, while dating a baby gay can feel like navigating the unknown, it can also be an opportunity for natural growth, understanding, and connection—on both sides.

15. Golden Retriever Lesbian

The Golden Retriever lesbian is soft-hearted, loyal, and loving as they come. Think warm, friendly, playful energy wrapped up in a partner who’s genuinely happy just to be by your side. They radiate positivity, make you laugh like a kid, and are always there to brighten your day.

Golden Retrievers are the ones who are endlessly supportive, willing to do just about anything for their girlfriend. They’ll show up with coffee on a rough day, listen to your rants without judgment, and somehow make everything feel a little lighter. In fact, for her, it’s often the simplest things—like sitting with you on the couch or sending you a random “thinking of you” text—that matter most.

But they can also be a bit… oblivious. Sometimes they’re off in la-la land. They’re so easygoing and positive that they might miss the subtle signals around them. But their heart is always in the right place, even if they’re more chill on the uptake.

16. Black Cat Lesbian

Enter the black cat—the woman who radiates dark, powerful femininity and can command a room with her energy. She is a fierce, independent femme or switch, a little bit mysterious, and ready to use claws to protect. Think Catwoman energy: sleek, strong, sexy, and not afraid to play both sides of the top and bottom dynamic, though she often leans toward being a femme top.

Black Cat lesbians are smart, calculated, and often over-aware of their surroundings. They’re fiercely protective of those they care about and are more than willing to pounce if necessary. They also have what can only be described as cuteness aggression.

They can also be a little intimidating, sometimes even coming off as mean when their boundaries are crossed or when they’re just not in the mood.

It’s no wonder people say, black cat lesbians pair well with golden retriever lesbians. That mysterious, intense energy complements the easygoing, happy-go-lucky Golden Retriever perfectly.

I want to acknowledge and also remind you that gendered roles are socially constructed. You can be whatever you want to be! This is a guide for sociocultural dating types you may encounter, for baby gays trying to understand the landscape of queer dating dynamics today, and maybe for what you might decide you want to attract or even avoid! In the end, you don’t have to adhere to any labels or expectations that you don’t feel are right. Remember, culture and identity evolve throughout time; none of this is permanent.

Lesbian Dating