If you’re queer and spent a lot of time on TikTok post-2020, you’ve probably heard about the “Am I a Lesbian? Masterdoc.” Here’s a quick, no-fluff summary of the lesbian manual that’s taking the internet by storm and awakening queer women around the world.
I. What is the Lesbian Masterdoc? Brief Summary
The Lesbian Masterdoc is a 30-page Google Doc designed to help women navigate and question their sexuality. It opens up with the question: “Am I a Lesbian?”
Originally posted on Tumblr in January 2018, the biggest takeaway from this viral document is the concept of Compulsory Heterosexuality (comphet) and lesbian erasure.
Compulsory Heterosexuality is when societal norms condition many women from childhood into heterosexual thinking and relationships. This causes so many of us to overlook our lesbian or queer preferences for years, decades, or sometimes forever.
Comphet was popularized by Adrienne Rich. It highlights how societal conditioning pressures us to fulfill a hetero role. It points out instances that our society accepts as normal, that actually might not be. For instance, you might be experiencing comphet if you think it’s normal to dread being intimate with your male partner or if you’re only attracted to fictional men but not to real-life men. Are you romantically or sexually attracted to men, or are you just playing out the role society has conditioned you to? What about your early interest in women that you’ve often overlooked? Did that intense friendship maybe have some underlying romantic feelings that you were both conditioned to ignore?
So many women, once they start dating other women, finally realize what true sexual and romantic attraction is but they didn’t know because they thought feeling mid about men was the norm (comphet).
Basically, comphet challenges heteronormativity or the idea that heterosexuality is our natural default. And the Lesbian Masterdoc emphasizes that many queer women struggle to accept their lesbian identity due to these societal pressures.
The Lesbian Masterdoc then lists common scenarios that lesbians, queers, and other women-loving-women (WLW) often face, which many readers have also found surprisingly relatable. At the end of the document, there’s a quiz-like list of signs to see if a woman’s attraction toward men is a product of social conditioning.
Note 1: If you want to dive deeper into the topic of Compulsory Heterosexuality, read Adrienne Rich’s “Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence” (1980) essay.
Note 2: Here’s a PDF version that looks like the original document. For a cleaner, more organized version, you can access a copy here.
II. Lesbian Erasure
The Masterdoc addresses the concept of lesbian erasure, where the existence and experiences of lesbians are minimized or ignored within society. In some countries and religions, they don’t even believe that women can be gay, just men. The invisibility of lesbian identities makes it more challenging for women to recognize and embrace their lesbianism. This happens through lack of representation in media/books, erased lesbian history, patriarchy/misogyny, and traditional gender roles that determine a woman’s value by her relationship with a man. That’s also partially why it seems that there are “more” gay men than gay women.
III. Compulsory Heterosexuality
Again, the biggest breakthrough theme of The Lesbian Masterdoc is Compulsory Heterosexuality. This is when heterosexuality is forced upon us by a society that is male-centered, patriarchal, misogynistic, and heteronormative. While Compulsory Heterosexuality affects men too, it heavily oppresses women because they are conditioned to center their lives around men.
Unfortunately, the belief that straightness is the default prevents non-straight women from realizing and embracing their authentic identities. The Lesbian Masterdoc states that compulsory heterosexuality is a huge reason why many lesbians have dated men, sometimes for several years, thinking it’s normal to really like their man but have to “put up” with it.
IV. Misconceptions About Attraction Towards Men
The Lesbian Masterdoc states that for a lesbian, it’s possible to recognize a man is physically attractive but not be attracted to him romantically or sexually. For instance:
- Fictional Men and Male Celebrities: The Masterdoc claims that if a lesbian finds fictional men or male celebrities attractive, this does not necessarily mean she’s less of a lesbian because no romance and intimacy are involved.
- Having Had Feelings Towards Men: Another claim by the Lesbian Masterdoc is that having had relationships with men and finding them attractive in the past does not make a lesbian any less because it is a “now” identity.
- Conflicting Feelings About Men: The Lesbian Masterdoc states that a lesbian can have strong and positive feelings towards men. However, what sets them apart from non-lesbians is that they cannot follow through with this attraction in a romantic and sexual relationship.
V. Signs of Compulsory Heterosexuality
The Lesbian Masterdoc presents a lengthy list of common signs of Compulsory Heterosexuality. If a woman identifies with many of these signs, it’s worth thinking about why they resonate with her. This may help determine if her preference for men is genuine or socially conditioned.
The list is divided into eight parts. Here’s a common sign for each:
- Attraction to Men: Liking the idea of being with a man but feeling uncomfortable when one makes a move on you.
- Relationship with Men: Being in a relationship with a man for the sake of it but not being genuinely interested in him.
- Sex and Intimacy with Men: Having sex with a man not for pleasure or emotional connection, but just because you want to feel wanted.
- Early Interest in Women: Being unusually eager in specific women.
- The ‘Straight’ Version of You: Thinking that all straight women feel at least some attraction to women.
- Exploring Attraction to Women: Imagining yourself in the man’s position when consuming media that features heterosexual sex or romance. Or romanticizing about women during masturbation.
- Gender Feelings: Experiencing conflicting gender feelings that are only resolved once you understand you are/can be a lesbian.
- Considering Lesbianism: Feeling guilty about embracing the lesbian identity because you feel like you’re just trying to be trendy.
VI. What is Actual Attraction to Men vs. Compulsory Heterosexuality?
The Lesbian Masterdoc differentiates attraction towards men from compulsory heterosexuality under three situations: nervousness and blushing, hypothetical attraction, and sexual fantasies.
- Nervousness and Blushing: It may be considered actual attraction if a woman feels excited nervousness or blushes because she’s excited to get to know the man. It’s compulsory heterosexuality if she manifests these out of discomfort.
- Hypothetical Attraction: Genuine attraction is if imagining a future with a man brings her joy and positive experiences. It’s compulsory heterosexuality if she feels the opposite, such as dread.
- Sexual Fantasies: Actual attraction is fantasizing about men because of genuine interest and enjoyment. Compulsory heterosexuality may be happening if the fantasy focuses on the opposite sex’s movements or if she imagines herself in his position and dislikes the fantasy.
VII. Bisexuality and Other Identities
The document acknowledges the confusion that can arise between identifying as a lesbian versus bisexual. Many women might struggle with discerning their genuine attraction from compulsory heterosexuality towards men, and think they’re bisexual for years. It’s important to note that the document is not meant to invalidate bisexual experiences but to explore the nuances of lesbian identity.
VIII. Emotional and Psychological Insights
The Masterdoc highlights the emotional and psychological impact of navigating one’s sexuality under the pressures of heteronormativity. This includes feelings of guilt, confusion, grief, and the internalized need to fit societal norms, which can obscure true sexual preferences.
IX. Critiques and Revisions
No document is an authority on one’s identity. Identity and orientation is a lot more complex than any black or white. While resources like that can be useful resources they are not the end all be all. – Valerie
While the Masterdoc is a valuable resource, some readers have suggested it could benefit from revisions. Specifically, the guide can be clearer about the distinction between bisexual and lesbian experiences and sexual fluidity and include the nuances of different gender identities and expressions. But it is also a couple dozen pages written in 2018 by an autodidact Tumblr user.
X. Practical Applications
The Masterdoc offers practical tools, like the quiz-like list of signs and scenarios, to help readers introspectively evaluate their experiences and feelings towards men and women. These tools are designed to aid in self-discovery and to question internalized heteronormativity.
XI. Who Wrote the Lesbian Masterdoc
Having researched about Compulsory Sexuality, Angeli Luz posted the Lesbian Masterdoc on Tumblr.com under the username “cyberlesbian” after two days of writing it. At the time, she was a teenager who was in the process of self-discovery in terms of sexuality. The creator told VICE that she created the document, “as a tool of self-reflection for myself and others.”
XII. Conclusion
Towards the end of the guide, the writer lists signs of being a lesbian under the section “You might be a lesbian if TL;DR.” Common signs include losing interest in a man as soon as they seem interested in you and being attracted to completely unattainable men.
The Lesbian Masterdoc concludes that women experience conflicting feelings toward men mainly due to misogyny and patriarchy. It encourages readers to try on the lesbian label to see if it fits them. They don’t have to relate to all of the listed qualities in the masterdoc to identify as a lesbian. It also asserts that trans women and nonbinary individuals can consider themselves lesbians too.
XIII. Final Summary
En Fin, this guide was written to help women navigate and question their sexuality. The biggest takeaway from this viral document is the concept of compulsory heterosexuality, where societal norms condition many women from childhood into heterosexual thinking and relationships, causing so many of us to overlook our lesbian or queer preferences for years, decades, or sometimes forever.”
XIV. Continue Reading More
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