For many of us queers, the holidays can feel like a tangled mess of cultural pressures, strained family ties, and complicated expectations. Maybe you’ve drifted from your biological family because of who you are. Maybe you’ve built your own chosen family—one filled with friends, a partner, or even your own little queer household. Or maybe you’re flying solo this year, just you and your favorite snacks. However you’re spending the holidays this year, remember that just like being queer, Christmas can be whatever you want it to be. Here are some ideas on how to spend the holidays this year if you’re queer and looking to create your own traditions outside of the Hallmark expectations and more in line with the version of the holidays that lets you feel at peace and fully yourself.
Pour another glass of mulled wine, play some Tegan and Sara, and let’s begin.
Queer & Lesbian Christmas Holiday Ideas
1. Decolonize Christmas!
Christmas is deeply rooted in ancient winter solstice traditions. Practices like Yule (Norse), Saturnalia (Roman), and Mithraism (Persian) laid the groundwork for many modern holiday customs. Even the December 25th date was a strategic PR choice by early Christian leaders to integrate pagan festivals into the Christian calendar. Historians agree: Jesus was likely born in December. So why December 25? Early Christian leaders strategically tied it to existing solstice celebrations, easing the transition for converts
For queers, reclaiming and reinventing traditions is second nature. If the holidays have ever felt more restrictive than joyful, this is your chance to embrace Christmas’s global roots and make it yours. Here are some ancient celebrations and practices to inspire your own decolonized Christmas:
- Yule (Celtic and Nordic): Celebrate the return of light and longer days with evergreens, candles, and wreaths—symbols of renewal. Light a Yule log, craft a wreath to honor protection and resilience, and reflect on the year behind you while setting hopeful intentions for the year ahead. Add a midwinter walk or storytelling circle to deepen your connection with the season’s themes of renewal.
- Shab-e Yalda (Iranian): Mark the longest night of the year with reflective elegance. Share pomegranates and watermelons as symbols of light and life, read poetry from Hafez or sapphic romance poems, and stay up late to welcome the sunrise with meditation or quiet gratitude. Decorate your space with warm lighting to symbolize the triumph of light over darkness.
- Saturnalia (Roman): “The wild holiday that turned Rome upside down.” Bring the joy and abundance of this Roman festival to your queer Christmas with indulgent feasts, quirky gift exchanges, and playful role reversals. Flip traditional roles—let the quietest guest lead the toast or assign someone unexpected as the “host” for the day. DIY gifts (that don’t involve money), festive laurel crowns, and games can help channel Saturnalia’s celebratory spirit.
- Mayan and Aztec Traditions: Honor the winter solstice with fire-lighting rituals to symbolize the sun’s return and community warmth. Pair this with a feast of traditional foods like tamales, and share stories about solstice astronomy or ancient wisdom. Incorporate music or dancing to connect with the celebratory energy of these cultures.
- Other Ideas Inspired by Global Traditions: Decorate with sun or moon symbols, create natural ornaments (like dried sliced oranges), or make small offerings to the earth to express gratitude. Dedicate time to stargazing or journaling, reflecting on the cycles of light and darkness. Share moments of gratitude with loved ones, honoring the collective warmth of your chosen community.
2. Vacation Getaways to a Queer-Friendly Destination
My favorite way to celebrate the holidays? Hop on a plane and peace out to frolic through new lands and cultures. Here are some queer-friendly destinations you could flock to for the holidays. These places can offer sunshine, culture, outdoors, and/or sapphic-friendly vibes. Here’s where to pack your bags this December:
- Mexico City: Mexico City is one of the greatest and most progressive cities in Latin America right now, especially for queers. Mexico City has a rich history, 100+ museums, a bustling nightlife, and culinary brilliance. Between those highlights, head to the Zona Rose, Mexico City’s gayborhood. Or La Purisima in the Centro Historico or Revuelta Queer House in Roma! DON’T MISS the Anthropology Museum with a guide, the Templo Mayor museum, and right next to it: el Zócalo Christmas market.
- Tip: After Mexico City, go to Oaxaca!
- Cologne, Germany: Cologne is the most gay-friendly city in Germany, with two neighborhood streets: Kettengasse and Schaafenstrasse. For us lesbians, don’t miss Boize Bar, which was featured in the FLINTA documentary by the Lesbian Bar Project.
- Add in the charm of its famous Christmas markets like Heinzel’s Winter Fairytale Christmas Market; don’t miss the mulled wine and handcrafted gifts like Christmas tree ornaments.
- Tip: Combine your Cologne trip with Berlin!
- Thailand: Thailand is one of two Asian countries where gay marriage is legal (aside from Taiwan). And they culturally recognize a third gender. Here, you can travel from its mighty capital of Bangkok to the paradisical islands and mountain towns.
- In Bangkok, don’t miss the sapphic spot Les Hi Bar.
- And December’s perfect weather sets the stage for world-class street markets like Chatuchak, turquoise beaches, and temple hopping.
- Tip: Thailand is also the perfect launching spot for affordable flights all over Asia!
- Lesbos, Greece: Did you know there’s an island lesbians have been flocking to since the 70s? The birthplace of Sappho herself, Lesbos is a Greek island that became a lesbian pilgrimage spot. By the 20th century, the coastal village of Eressos transformed into a queer haven where women could connect and finally find that elusive blend of community.
- There’s even a documentary on it; here’s my Lesvia film review to inspire your trip!
- Buenos Aires, Argentina: It’s actually summer in Buenos Aires during our winter. So celebrate the holidays with warmth, tango lessons, and one of Latin America’s most progressive cities. Argentina was the first in Latin America to legalize same-sex marriage and has made historic strides for women’s reproductive rights. So, in between the artsy attractions and the finest steak (with Malbec wine), head to the lesbian spots! Here are just a few: Feliza, Lesbiclub, Fiesta Jolie, Fiesta Nix, Amerika Disco, and Maria.
3. Have a Lesbian Christmas Movie Marathon
Your favorite snacks, comfiest pajamas, and a lineup of sapphic films that feel like warm hugs. Whether you’re snuggling with a partner, surrounded by chosen family, or enjoying some solo festive vibes, these no-queerbait lesbian Christmas films bring all the cheer with none of the clichés.
- Carol (2015): Watching this is like stepping into a snow globe version of the 1950s. There’s Therese, a shy, curious photographer, and Carol, whose confidence and elegance inspire. Their sapphic romance is so gorgeously shot. And Cate Blanchett’s wardrobe? Timeless goals.
- Happiest Season (2020): I found myself rooting for Abby as she navigated the chaos of her girlfriend Harper’s not-so-out-to-her-family drama. Aubrey Plaza makes a few cameos here. Relatable and cute story.
- Season of Love (2019): Imagine Love Actually—but lesbian. Following three different lesbian couples through the ups and downs of holiday love.
- Looking for Her (2022): Taylor’s story of coming home for the holidays, feeling a little lost, and reconnecting with her high school crush feels so personal. It’s soft, nostalgic, and full of that small-town holiday charm.
Not in the mood for Christmas reminders? Swap it out for a sapphic movie marathon of your favorite lesbian films with a happy ending.
4. Go to the Lesbian Bar or Queer Theatre for their Holiday Events
You’d be surprised how popping the lesbian bar or holiday queer events in your nearest city might be. We’re all eager to pounce on some festive, community-driven fun.
Take Cubbyhole, for example. Known for its cozy, eclectic vibe, this beloved NYC lesbian bar hosted Christmas events in both 2022 and 2023, including what’s shaping up to be an annual Christmas Eve pajama party. Or check out Industry Bar, also in NYC, which threw Christmas Eve and Day celebrations last year.
For more artsy events, I absolutely adore Company XIV’s Nutcracker show. It combines elegance with ballet, burlesque, opera, acrobats, and so much more. You can go solo to these events or gather with your friends or girlfriend.
5. Plan a Cozy Solo Ritual at Home
The emails have stopped. The streets are quiet. This is the solo slowdown you need to recharge and rejuvenate. Put on your favorite playlist for a day dedicated to self-care. Here are some ideas to make your solo Christmas a peaceful, soul-affirming experience:
- Queer Community Vision Board: Start mapping out your “family of choice” goals for the next year. What steps will you take to build community? Maybe you’ll join a queer book club, volunteer, or finally sign up for that improv class to shake off some shyness. Dream big, grab some magazines (or Pinterest), and craft your vision.
- Welcome the Winter Solstice with a Cleanse: Declutter your space and sweep out the old energy as you make room for the new. A messy house equals a messy brain, so grab a good queer podcast like Made it Out or an excellent queer audiobook like Hijab Butch Blues and make it fun. Honestly, just writing this has me excited for you—it’s such a peaceful, mentally cleansing ritual!
- Soak in a Bubble Bath: Light some candles, queue up soothing music, and let the warm water melt away any holiday stress. Then, grab a foam roller or this massage massage (you can move it around your back) to release the muscle tension.
- Write a Letter to Your Younger Self: Reflect on how far you’ve come. It’s easy to only look at the “lack” but forget all the steps you’ve taken forward. Give thanks to yourself! There’s something incredibly healing about giving your younger self the love and encouragement they deserved.
- Journal Your Intentions for the New Year: Combine gratitude with intention-setting by writing about what you’re thankful for and the dreams you’re planting for the months ahead. A little candlelight or oil diffuser while you write makes it feel even more special.
- Bake Your Queer Heart Out: Whether it’s cookies, bread, or a full-blown pie, baking can be as meditative as it is delicious.
6. Give Back to the Queer Community
We’ve all had moments when someone lifted us up, and the season is the perfect time to return the favor. Here’s how you can sprinkle some holiday magic where it’s needed most:
- Send Holiday Cards to LGBTQ+ Youth Shelters: Imagine being a queer kid feeling alone during the holidays and then receiving a card filled with love and encouragement. Take a few moments to write heartfelt messages that remind LGBTQ+ youth they’re seen, celebrated, and never truly alone.
- Volunteer at a Local LGBTQ+ Organization: Whether it’s lending a hand at a queer youth shelter, helping with a food drive, or wrapping gifts for housing-insecure folks, giving your time is a direct way to spread joy. Plus, it’s a chance to connect with others who share your values.
- Host a Donation Drive with Friends: Get your crew together and collect essentials—think cozy winter coats, hygiene products, or even fun gift cards—for queer youth or anyone struggling this season. Bonus: make it a holiday hangout with snacks, music, and mulled wine while you gather your donations.
7. Tire Yourself
Let’s be honest: the holidays can be a lot. Between endless scrolling, emotional reflection, and the pull of every streaming service imaginable, it’s easy to slip into full-on hibernation mode. But here’s the thing—staying still for too long can leave your body feeling stagnant and your mind even heavier. Movement, on the other hand, can work wonders for your mood and energy.
So, keep your juices flowing. Hit the gym before it closes for the holidays, wall climb, roll out a yoga mat for a good stretch, or bundle up and take a long, brisk winter walk that clears your head and fills your lungs with fresh air. The goal isn’t about chasing fitness goals; it’s about releasing tension and giving your body the care it craves. Sedentariness can sneakily creep into depression territory, but moving—even just a little—can turn the tide. By the end of the day, you’ll be pleasantly tired, refreshed, and ready to sink into the coziest sleep of the season.
8. Host a Virtual Holiday Party with Faraway Friends
Distance doesn’t have to dampen the holiday spirit—especially when you’ve got a good ole Wi-Fi connection and a group of faraway friends who feel like home. Plan some fun activities to keep the party lively and engaging.
Set up an online game night with classics like Jackbox or trivia, stream a holiday movie together, or turn your screens into a baking showdown with a virtual cookie-decorating contest (bonus points for the most ridiculous designs). For something extra meaningful, host a “Queer Holiday Show-and-Tell” where everyone shares a favorite memory or item that represents their journey—whether it’s a coming-out story, a quirky tradition, or just something that makes them smile.
9. Queer Christmas Dinner & Crafts with Chosen Family
Hosting a Christmas dinner with your chosen family is the perfect way to bring warmth, love, and a touch of queer magic to the season. Here’s how to make it unforgettable:
- Set the Scene: Go all out with decorations that feel meaningful. Bring in elements of Yuletide traditions—like evergreen garlands, candles, or DIY wreaths—to honor renewal and connection. Or lean into your personal style with a playful mix of fairy lights, bold colors, and quirky touches like lesbian Christmas ornament or table place lesbian Christmas cards that double as affirmations for your guests.
- Plan a Decolonized Feast: Skip the tired turkey and embrace a menu that feels more personal and cultural. Consider hearty winter stews, tamales, roasted vegetables, or any dish that nods to your heritage or your guests’ diverse backgrounds. Make it a potluck to take the pressure off and turn the meal into a collaborative celebration.
- Activities for Connection: After dinner, keep the magic going with some group fun. Get some board games or cards. Host a Secret Santa gift exchange with a quirky twist, like gag gifts or handmade treasures. Set up a group manifesting session—grab notebooks and pens, and let everyone share their dreams and intentions for the new year.
10. Art or Creative Projects
The stillness of the holidays—the one time of year when the world seems to pause. No deadlines, no endless stream of emails, just quiet. It’s the perfect moment to dive into a creative project. I have spent entire days at the pottery studio, hands covered in clay, listening to Silvia García Moreno audiobooks. Let me tell you, it is bliss. There’s nothing like the joy of achieving something beautiful with your own hands, paired with the company of great storytelling.
This season, channel that same energy into a creative endeavor. Spend the day painting a canvas or experimenting with pottery. Craft a queer zine or a mini memory book as a Christmas gifts for a lesbian in your life—or yourself. If you have any pending home projects, finally tackle those DIY shelves you’ve been putting off.
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