In an age dominated by dating apps, many of us still dream about the perfect casual meet-cute. When I first realized I was gay, I couldn’t help but fantasize about meeting a Kehlani look-alike in the aisles of my favorite indie bookstore. But that led to my first “baby gay” dilemma: Do I even look gay enough for other lesbians to notice me, let alone see me as a potential love interest? While I know there’s no single way to “look gay,” the question remains.
It turns out people have been trying to make their queerness visible to other queers for centuries. This practice of using gestures, phrases, and appearance to make sexual orientation more apparent is called signaling. Signaling was born out of necessity, as overt indications of queerness could compromise people’s safety and put them in trouble.
As parts of the world slowly become more accepting and embracing of queer culture, signaling can sometimes be less of a necessity and more of a desire. Nowadays, some lesbians are as easy to read as their “Kiss More Girls” shirts. But, if that isn’t your style, you might like some of these more signals.
Evolution of Queer Signaling
Signaling comes in many forms, including language. You might see people commenting lesbian slang terms such as, “Do you listen to girl in red?” under an attractive girl’s thirst trap, the same way someone in the 1940s might have asked if a woman wearing pants was “a friend of Dorothy.” One of the most infamous gestures to imply gayness is a simple downward flick of the wrist. These are all signals.
The most obvious way to signal, though, is with physical appearance. Signaling through outward expression ranges from general stereotypes – like a woman with a full sleeve of tattoos – to specific and intentional modifications. For example, if you were in the 1940s and you saw a woman with a nautical star tattoo on the top of her wrist, it was pretty likely she was sapphic. Still, a lot of people’s favorite way to signal is with their closets.
Lesbians dressing outside of heteronormative conventions have long been a part of queer culture. In the 1800s, queer women like Anne Lister were known to wear all black and other fashions most commonly reserved for men. In the 20s and 30s, lesbians started donning monocles. By the 40s, the butch-femme lesbian dynamic was becoming more popular, so butch women got to wear their best button-down shirts and pants in bars on the weekend.
By the gay liberation movement of the late 60s and early 70s, feminist lesbians had started the anti-fashion movement with the express purpose of dressing outside of the male gaze. They cut their hair short and refused to wear makeup or high heels, favoring comfort and function over “feminine” fashions. This style of dress still informs lesbian style and signaling today.
How to Look Lesbian in 2024: Signals for the Modern Age
Dressing for the Female Gaze
One of the biggest lesbian signals is dressing for the female gaze instead of the male gaze. This is all about looking at beauty and style through the perspectives of women, and unsurprisingly, women’s view of beauty is a lot less narrow. Female-gaze fashion ranges across the spectrum of femininity and masculinity. For some women, this means mixing in more masculine touches like vests, button-downs, and loose silhouettes. For others, it’s all about leaning into the girliest creative elements of style, like pink hair, glitter, and cute skirts.
The female gaze is more about dressing in a way that expresses your authentically unique sense of style and self. It can deviate as far from, or live as firmly inside of, societal norms as you want. The main point of dressing for the female gaze is dressing in a way that isn’t hypersexualized or uncomfortable for the sake of men’s desirability.
Chunky Footwear
Doc Martens were part of quite a few counterculture movements of the 70s, including anti-fashion. They quickly became a staple as they were perfect for stomping around protests and doubled in functionality as a work shoe for the more blue-collar lesbian.
Docs have since moved into the mainstream and can be found in the closets of all types of people, but the most loyal followers of the Doc Marten gospel tend to be queer. Even if you are not a brand loyalist, any chunky footwear has the ability to get the message across. Whether it’s in a classic combat style or a thigh-high platform, the chunkier the boot, the gayer.
A Hand Full of Rings
In this decade, it seems lesbians have started to subscribe to the notion that the more lesbian rings, the better, no matter the finger, especially for the more femme-presenting lesbian. While many lesbians tend to opt for bulky, bohemian, or grungy style rings, having more than a few rings of any style will definitely help signify queer identity.
With traces back to post-World War I, a popular signal for queers between the 1940s and 1960s was a pinky ring. Over time, the more widely known finger adopted by ring-wearing sapphics has become the thumb. According to Rainbow History Class, wearing thumb rings signify rebellion against heteronormative practices like heterosexual marriages and to blend masculinity and femininity. Both pinky and thumb rings have been noted as subtle, gender-neutral accessories, much like the carabiner. Maybe this is why they have become so iconic.
Unique Hair
Perfect male gaze hair is often limited to long, straight, and with some lighter color or highlights. When most people think about lesbian hair, they think about short haircuts, curls, and bright colors. This is obviously on purpose. These hairstyles that help women move out of the male gaze have become sapphic signals. But, if they aren’t your style, there are plenty of ways to signal with longer locks.
A lot of women who prefer long hair opt for more low-effort and natural styles, rocking their own waves, curls, and coils. The wolf cut and locs, for example, are favorites in the lesbian community. So If you are trying to look more gay, try adding some fun color, cutting your locks short, or rocking your natural curls.
Hyperfemininity
Hyperfemininity is all about reclamation, subversion, and fun. Queer women have reclaimed “girly” fashion elements like corsets, mini skirts, silk and lace. This can look like entirely pink closets or pairing more standard femme fashions with exaggerated, brightly colored, and bedazzled makeup looks. Or some opt for that black cat, dominant feminity.
Even nails can be subversive in a way. While a majority of lesbians keep their nails short and often bare for obvious reasons, plenty of femmes would rather not part with their long claws. Some just work around their acrylics, but others prefer to keep all their nails long except two. This “lesbian manicure” has become a clear sapphic signal.
Dressing for Comfort & Functionality
Birkenstocks*, baseball caps, big t-shirts, cargo shorts, and flannels are just a few of the many comfortable fashion items that have also become lesbian fashion staples over the years. For many, wearing pants instead of dresses is just as much a statement of sexuality and gender expression as it is about comfort.
Recently, as the 90s and Y2K fashions have come back into style, so have the baggy styles of early aughts street style. Both mascs and femmes have started playing with the gender neutrality of low-rise dad jorts or an oversized button-down. So, try leaning into the female gaze and tailoring your closet to what makes you feel comfortable.
* Birkenstocks in the 2010s peaked as a lesbian footwear staple born out of the 70’s anti-fashion era, but mostly for the purpose of comfort.
Piercings & Tattoos
While piercings and tattoos, in general, are not as counter-culture as they once were, they have always allowed people to express their identities and rebel against the mainstream. Thus, they have been a part of the queer community for decades. While a few lobe piercings are pretty standard now, piercings that are outside of the norm or in large quantities can queer people signal.
In the past, eyebrow piercings were singled out as being a lesbian signal. Nowadays, it seems sapphics have started to favor nose piercings. Whether it’s a double nostril, a singular hoop, or a septum, nose piercings have become pretty gay. Like rings, a lot of queer people like to over-accessorize with piercings, so when in doubt, just add a few more.
Check out our guide on lesbian tattoo ideas.
Carabiners
So, here you are: a lesbian without enough pocket space and no desire to wear a purse. In walks the perfect solution, the carabiner. Like the combat boot, carabiners meet at the intersection of fashion and function. The theories on the origins of carabiners in the queer community range from butch lesbian blue-collar work to gay men’s kink culture. No matter the origins, carabiners solve a problem for a lot of women, making it an important part of some lesbians’ dress code. From the 70s to now, women’s pockets seem to be getting smaller despite our constant protest. Simultaneously, purses remain a symbol of ideal male-gaze-centered femininity.
For many, carabiners represent the simplicity of gender neutrality as both an accessory and a necessity. Today, spotting a carabiner in the wild is often synonymous with spotting a sapphic, so if you want to be spotted, let those keys dangle.
Lesbian Symbols
If you haven’t noticed yet, many lesbian signals can fall into specific stereotypes or broad senses of style and expression. There is no exact science to signaling, just like there is no one way to look gay or straight. If finding your signaling style still feels daunting or you just want to be a bit more overt, look no further than the tried and true lesbian symbols.
Some lesbian signals include: the gay/lesbian flag, Sappho’s violets, snakes, labrys, or the double Venus symbol. These could be worn in lesbian jewelry like this, or you can also accessorize your belongings like rainbow laces on sneakers, stickers on laptops, or even pins on a backpack. And, if all else fails, you can always get a “Live. Laugh. Lesbian” tote bag.
About the Author: Ciara Johnson
Ciara is a writer based in Los Angeles, CA. When she is not writing, she can be found perusing a local bookstore, maxing out her AMC A-List, and explaining niche pop culture controversy to her friends.
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